In my new book, WHY WOMEN WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE, I explore the many possibilities why women stay in abusive relationships, why they give men who abuse them or cheat on them repeated chances, why men abuse and cheat and why people overall settle for less than "ideal" mates.

There are certain signs individuals with self-esteem radiate. Those individuals who can pick up these signs are like predators and they prey on these weak individuals. They are likely to say all the "right things" and act in ways which are likely to win their trust. Once they are lured in by the charm and intense flattery, they become trapped and cannot leave. Over a period of time, one's spirit starts to get crushed and they are likely to develop learned helplessness. They literally can't stop or get out of what they started.

Often times other people, family and friends see signs in the beginning and tell women to be careful, but many women choose to ignore the warnings. Most times, they recognize the signs themselves and they choose to ignore them in the hope they will go away, or better yet, their partner will change. You've heard the adage, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks"? Well, many believe they can "change" their partners, or their partners will change for them. Unfortunately, these women are disillusioned if they really believe it will happen. In fact, the longer they live with this misconception, the more likely they are to succumb to being in an abusive situation and becoming trapped. A Dalmatian cannot change it's spots, just an individual cannot change their personality after being a certain way their entire life. Sad but true, for abusers, anger and aggression becomes a way of life for them and these qualities are instinctual for coping with the rigors of their perceived everyday realities. The abused woman becomes a punching bag for which an abuser displaces life-long frustrations and continued failures facilitated by their low self-esteem.

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